Crabbie's Hollywood

Angelina and Brad recently took a trip to Syria to visit refugees displaced by the Iraq conflict. Angie evidently saw something she liked because it's being reported that she has begun the process of adopting one of the poor sunburned victims of George Bush's illegal oil war.

Ah, but this deal isn't going down as smoothly as the last few adoptions/births. Sources say Brad was against adding a 7th kid to the brood, and Angie went ahead without him. People with knowledge of the situation say only Angelina's name is on the adoption papers.

Numerous questions arise in the wake of this news. 1: What color is an Iraqi refugee baby officially and how does this affect the legendary balance? 2: How long before Brad putters off on his motorcycle to find a piece of ass who isn't a deranged baby hoarder? 3: At what point does Shiloh begin her bid to become legally emancipated? 4: How will Octomom react to this shocking news? For that matter, how will Balloon Boy react? 5: When will I stop repeating these silly, unfounded rumors as if they were fact?

Among other things, Matt Weiner's critically acclaimed Mad Men has been a boon to previously obscure actresses like Elisabeth Moss, Christina Hendricks and January Jones. Whatever you think of Weiner's show, there's no question he conceives interesting female roles, and casts the right women in the parts.

Now, an actress who is not obscure but also ain't exactly on top of the heap artistically is about to find out if she can receive a bump from Weiner and his magic pen. If you can see the picture above, then you've already figured out who I'm talking about.

Yes, Jennifer Aniston is set to star in a new project by Matt Weiner. No it is not a TV show. It is instead an indie-level romantic comedy he wrote years ago and is expending some of his Mad Men juice to get made. Aniston will star alongside alleged former partner Bradley Cooper and Zach Galifanakis, with whom she has not been romantically linked as far as I know.

I don't know if this movie will be any good. I do know that Matt Weiner's name will always get me to go see the movie. Even if the name Jennifer Aniston makes me to run screaming in the other direction.

Offering further proof that there is no such thing as a comic book too lame for Hollywood to adapt into a movie, mega-producer Joel Silver is looking to live-actionize Sgt. Rock.

Actually, Silver has been looking to get a piece of Sgt. Rock for awhile, but was hesitant to gamble on a WWII-era period film in a time when most people don't realize history goes back more than four weeks. But Silver has licked that problem in classic Hollywood style: by changing the setting from WWII to The Future.

Not sure exactly how this change will be accomplished. Perhaps they will just entirely ignore the Sgt. Rock I vaguely remember from the dentist's waiting room when I was a kid and pretend it's always been set in The Future. Or maybe they'll have Sgt. Rock discover a Nazi time machine that zaps him ahead a couple hundred years.

Or maybe some Romulans will come through a time portal and change history so Sgt. Rock is turned into a cyborg who is then deep-frozen and wakes up like Luke Wilson in a future so stupid people think you have to water crops with Gatorade. I'd actually pay to see that.